Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
