Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
