you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You pole danced in your parka.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
