all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
