There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize