I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
