Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
honey bunches of taint.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
