Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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