I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
