I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
