I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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