And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
