You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize