New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Boobs speak an international language.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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