he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
