I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
