remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
