Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
