yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
