She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
