if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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