end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
