even my farts smell like vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
