I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
