Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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