We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
