Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
