He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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