I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
