I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
