Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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