if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
