Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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