Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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