what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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