Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Mom said you looked used
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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