She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize