I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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