Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
