That's when you crack a 10am beer
4 words: hood of his car
People with herpes should wear stickers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
