i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
two words...techno handjob
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
