i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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