We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
