So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
