No subtext here. People are naked.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
