DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize