she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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