I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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