Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
