Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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