I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
