He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize