I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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