im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
