I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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