So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
