I'm jealous of your bromance
Come see our sink grown plant.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize