3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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