I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
