i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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