DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
