I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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