I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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