He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
