My hand turned me down
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
