My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
