Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
