You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
