woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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