Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
