in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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