He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
