im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
false alarm, still single
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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