i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
