I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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