walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
