I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize