Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
