:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
