she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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