his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
