At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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