chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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