Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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