tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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