Do you still have your period?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
