I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
