I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
