fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
