I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
