did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
