It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
