We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
