R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
