yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
